The Way They Look Tonight

(Keep the "my blog is my journal" mindset with this one, folks...I'm just writing for myself here.  Nothing too exciting going on I just want to remember a few moments from this week.)

Tonight is one of those nights where my kids (plus the extra 2 I'm watching for a week) are sleeping, the house is quiet and I can't help but have a heart full of love and gratitude for these little blessings in my life.  And they are MY LIFE!  It wasn't a perfect or even easy day but it had enough of those little moments that make you just so grateful for the life you have.

My absolute favorite time with Tanner is bedtime.  Ha ha...like every parent, right?  But that's actually not why.  Anyone who knows Tanner knows he is wild, fun, crazy, hyperactive...all of the above.  But some nights as I'm tucking him in and he's FINALLY settling down to sleep, we'll just have these wonderful little moments together.  He says some of the most adorable things I've ever heard come out of a 3 year old's mouth.  I really need to start writing all of them down because it happens pretty frequently. 

One of the songs I like to sing to him at bedtime is The Way You Look Tonight.  If you've been under a rock for the last few decades and don't know what song I'm talking about, here are the lyrics.  Or even better you could listen to my FAVORITE version of it here while you read the rest of the story.  Ha ha...it will add to the whole mood of what I'm writing.  :)  This song describes how I feel about my children perfectly and I've gotten a little choked up a time or two as I sing it to them when I'm having one of those "I LOVE being a mommy" kinda days.  Don't make fun.

Anyway, I've sung it to him quite a few times without any discussion or anything but a week or so ago he started asking me what all the different lines mean.  So first he says, "Mom, what's awflee (awfully) low?"  So I said something like, "it means you're really sad."  Then he says, "And what's world ascold?" (world is cold)  I told him, "the song is trying to say that if I'm ever feeling sad and cold and lonely, all I have to do is think of your little face and I will 'feel a glow' or feel happy in my heart."  He seemed pretty happy with this description because he smiled really big, put his hands on my cheeks, closed his eyes and whispered, "keep singing".  So I finished the song again and left for the night.

Well, tonight I was singing it to him and he starts singing along with me...almost word for word!  I was so impressed at his memory and especially for such an adult song!  We're not talkin' Wheels On The Bus here!  After we finished the song has asked me what "never never change" means.  I explained how I love him just the way he is so he should never try to be different.  And as cute as ever he goes, "Awwwwww" as if he had just seen a cute little puppy or something.  Too sweet.  Now you can see why I LOVE bedtime with him.  I usually don't get moments like this with him any other time because he is just so BUSY!!! 

One very small moment with Avie was actually today in Relief Society. I was holding her as I was listening to the lesson and she was just talking up a storm! In her sweet little baby way. It's too bad I can't understand her because she looked like she was telling a GREAT story. I know this is nothing too big or exciting but she's growing so much, so fast, and she has become so animated and interactive lately. I was sitting in a room full of other women so I was trying to be discreet but she was being so cute I just couldn't help but to hug and kiss and love on her then and there. Nate even made a comment after church as we were trying to put her down for a nap that she was in such a good mood he couldn't even get her to settle down to sleep or take her pacifier cause she was grinning from ear to ear. He said something like, "It's hard to be mad or frustrated that she won't go to sleep when she's in such a good mood!" Pretty sure I have the smiliest baby alive!

So there you have it.  Sorry for the least interesting blog post ever.  But I know I (and my children) will appreciate it later.  And now I need to go to bed and thank Heavenly Father for trusting me with these precious babies...right after I sneak in their rooms one more time to see the way they look tonight.  ;)

Good Things Come in Threes

I wanted to do an update on my little ones while they're both in their threes.  Or more specifically 3 months and 3 years!  :)  I wrote a little about Avie in my previous post so this one will mostly be about Tanner.  He just turned 3 on Sunday!  Hopefully I'll have some more time later to post about his birthday celebration but for now here is a little something I put together to tell about our little 3 year old!  ( I saw the idea of the picture with the words on a blog I like and decided to copy it.  Here's the blog if  you're interested.)  Plus some of our newest pics of Avie.

     

Our Sweet Avie

(Sorry for the rambling...I shouldn't blog at 1 AM. :)


I posted in November of last year that I was expecting baby #2 and said that I would post again once we found out the gender.  Well...I failed to do that.  I'm hoping that everyone who reads my blog is in contact with us via another source otherwise they might be wondering what the heck happened!  If you don't have another way of keeping in touch with us than it might be because you're a creepy blog stalker that I don't know in which case please move on!  Ha ha...only joking.  But I do need to (FINALLY) write about the sweet little addition to our family Avie Gwen.  Baby Avie as she is currently called in our home. 

The Pregnancy
My due date was officially June 2nd but toward the end of my pregnancy I started having problems with high blood pressure just like I did when I was pregnant with Tanner.  I knew I wouldn't make it to my due date.  And I was okay with that.  I am a MISERABLE pregnant woman.  Plus, I had to be induced with Tanner 3 weeks early and everything worked out okay with him so I felt okay with being induced this time.  At the end of this pregnancy the doctor had me coming in twice a week (yeah, with a 2 year old and a lot of back pain) just to get my blood pressure checked...you can see why I wanted to just be induced already. 

The Arrival
On Monday, May 23rd, I went in for my regular appointment and once again my blood pressure was elevated.  And for some reason which my doc didn't understand I had about 3 times the amount of amniotic fluid than most women.  This is why I looked like I had a "beach ball under my shirt" at the end of my pregnancy.  (Yes, someone actually said that to me.  And if the person who said that is reading this I still love you! :D)  My doctor didn't know what was going on with my body and said that at this point (38 weeks) it might just be better for me to have this baby girl already!  At this point it was about noon.  He called the hospital to see if they could take me that day and they said I should check in at about 2 pm.

Once again, I got to make that super fun phone call to my husband, "We're having a baby today!"  I love that phone call.  It's my favorite.  Anyway, I went home, made some phone calls and arrangements.  Cleaned a few things, packed a few things and checked in at the hospital at 3 pm.  Yep, an hour later than I was supposed to.  And proud of it.  Ha ha!  They had started me on pitocin by 4, I had an epidural around 7 and had her at 9:03 pm.  She weighed 8 lbs 3 oz, exactly one pound heavier than her brother, and was 21 1/2 inches long.  She's been nice to her mommy right from the start...I only labored for 5 hours and only had to push about 3 or 4 times to get her here.  It was easygoing and a truly wonderful experience. 

The Name
We got her name a few years back when we were called to work in the nursery in our last ward.  There was this family that had I think 4 children all of whom were beautiful blondes.  But the cutest of all was the youngest, a 2 year old blond haired, blue eyed, SWEET little girl, Avi.  At first I thought the name was a little weird (and you might still...that's okay with me) but as I started to fall in love with this adorable little girl, I fell in love with her name, too.  And it was added to my list of names for future children.  Nate didn't really like it to begin with but since we hadn't even started thinking of having kids at that point I knew I had time to wear him down.  Over the next 5 years I kept casually bringing the name up anytime we would talk about baby names.  And I think hearing it enough, he grew to like it. 

Her middle name, Gwen, is very special.  Gwendolyn is the name of my maternal grandmother, whom I have not had the oppotunity to meet in this lifetime yet I feel connected to her still.  My mom was a mere 16 years old when her mother passed away.  Throughout my life I have heard stories about my grandma and what a wonderful and neat woman she is.  Even as a little girl I realized how important a mother is in a child's life because I heard how difficult it was for my own mother to lose her mom at such a young age.  Through my mother's stories I gained a love and appreciation for my grandma, though I knew I would never meet her in this life.  I believe that Grandma Gwendolyn was with my Avie Gwen in heaven before she came to me. 

The First 3 Months
I can't believe that it has already been 3 months since that day I first met my sweet little girl.  Time truly FLIES by when it comes to your children.  I already feel like I want to STOMP on the brakes and make time STOP for a little while so I can enjoy my children a little more.  At 3 months old Avie is a very CHUBBY, sweet and happy little girl.  She has a nice set of lungs that she does use on occasion to let us know she's upset but for the most part she just likes to look up at you and smile, coo and giggle (although her laugh still sounds mire like a grunt at this point).  She is SO beautiful and a perfect addition to our family. 

It is true what they say about every child being different.  I feel blessed that both of my kids have been pretty easy babies compared to some of the horror stories I've heard.  But just cause they're pretty easy doesn't mean they are the same.  I am learning to be a parent all over again with baby #2.  It is easier in some ways but in so many ways still challenging and exciting.  I love being a mom.  I wish I was better at it but I am trying and learning every single day.  I'm so blessed to have these 2 sweet kids to call my own forever! 

Why I Don't Blog

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about my blog and how I haven't updated it in a really REALLY long time.  I started thinking about this and truly wondering why I don't like to post on my blog.  This is what I came up with. 

I'm OCD.  There you have it.  I could go into a lot of detail as to what and why.  In a nutshell it has to do with me wanting my blog to be perfect (uniform, funny, current, chronological, witty, interesting, full of pictures, the list goes on and on)  because I'm worried of what people will think of me or my life if it's not all of those things.  And I realized that I've missed the opportunity to write down and remember so many wonderful moments because of this perfectionism.  I want to blog for ME and MY family and stop worrying about what everyone else will think.   So that's what I'm going to do. 

I thought about going private (completely private, like a journal) but decided for now I'd try to just get over this perfectionistic way of thinking so that I can still share what's going on with our friends and family.  This might seem so silly to some people.  I'm not like this with ANYTHING else but for some reason I am with my blog.  So things might be different around here.  If you start to think my blog is annoying, random, disorderly, not funny or even, dare I say it, boring *gasp*  then feel free to find another blog to read.  My feelings won't be hurt...promise.  This is going to be a place for me to write my thoughts, feelings and memories of my life, no matter how disinteresting it may be to you.  That's all for now.  :) 

If you're just here for the news you can skip to the last few paragraphs.  :)  I get a little long winded sometimes...

Heartache & Happiness

That is the perfect title for this post because it describes the past several months of my life perfectly.  My last update 6 months ago was about how I had been feeling a little blah and down in the dumps emotionally.  Well, what I knew at the time but didn’t share with the rest of the world is that it was mostly due to pregnancy related hormone changes. 

Yep, that’s right.  I think most of my closest friends and family knew I was pregnant but I hadn’t made it known to the world yet.  Unfortunately, the heartache of my life came toward the end of my first trimester.  The baby no longer had a heartbeat, even though I heard it pounding loud and clear only a few weeks earlier.  Hearing the ultrasound technician say the words, “the baby doesn’t have a heartbeat” is something I will never forget.  The way I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me is also something I will never forget.  I felt like I could cry for days. 

In the next couple of weeks, however, my mindset changed.  I no longer wanted to dwell on the loss but to understand what had happened and use the experience for good.  I knew I could only find peace if I put it in the Lord’s hands.  So I did.  I think for the first time in my life I was able to be grateful for an extremely difficult trial.  Sure there were some smaller trials in my past that I was able to look on the bright side of and appreciate the lesson there, but never anything big I had gone through.  I usually struggle to not just give up and say, “Why me???”  But my heart was hurting enough that I had to make this into a make me or break me type situation.  And I wanted it to make me. 

Finally, after a lot of prayer, I was able to see how the trial blessed our family in a strange way.  Of course it was not a blessing that we lost the baby but it brought our family closer.  It taught me that it’s okay to accept help sometimes (though I’m still working on this one).  It taught me that there are many people around me that love me and would do anything to help me.  It taught me to truly trust in the Lord and know that families are eternal. 

I know many people choose to keep these things private, and that’s fine.  As for me, I decided that I shouldn’t have to keep this to myself.  I didn’t do anything wrong, why should it be a secret?  I understand that sometimes it is easier if fewer people know so you’re not forced to have awkward conversations repeatedly.  But blogging about it isn’t forcing me to have an awkward conversation.  I can get it all out, express the pain, loss, love and heartbreak that I felt throughout this time in my life. 

I don’t know why we feel like we have to be strong and put on a happy face for the world all the time.  It’s okay to let people know you’re suffering.  It’s okay to ask for help sometimes and it’s definitely okay to not be perfect.  Why are we here if it isn’t to learn from our trials, and help others get through theirs?  These are the lessons I learned from this trial in my life and I wanted to put them out there into the universe because hopefully someone else can benefit from them.

Moving on to the HAPPINESS!  Nate and I are so excited that we’re expecting again.  I am 12 weeks today and due either at the end of May or beginning of June (I’m hoping for May :D).  We’ve already been to the doctor a few times and today we got to hear the heartbeat again (ALWAYS a relief) and see the little one wave to us in the ultrasound.  I think he was saying “Hi, Mom!  Sorry, I’m making you so sick!”  LOL.  Love having babies…HATE being pregnant!  But that’s the price we moms pay, right?  Anything for those little sweeties! 

Here’s the ultrasound from today.  A little fuzzy but you can see the babies hand sticking up and we could literally see it moving back and forth on the monitor like he was waving. 

 I say “he” just by default but we should find out in another 6 weeks what we’re having.  I’ll be sure to let you all know SOON!!  Sorry for the sporadic posting.  One day I’ll be a devoted and passionate blogger but as for now I’m just trying to get through each day alive!  :)  Love to you all!! 

Sometimes life is BLAH…

Ever find yourself feeling overwhelmed and you’re not even sure why???  I don’t completely understand this myself, yet that is how I am feeling.  What do you do when you are in a slump, feeling yucky, tired, unexcited about life?  I could use some suggestions.  (Although I probably already know the answers sometimes hearing them again helps… :D)
P.S. I know, I’m super cool for not updating my blog foorrrevvvER (Sandlot) and then when I do update it’s this lame excuse for a blog post.  But you’ll get over it.